dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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