Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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