Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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