Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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