Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
