I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I party with great urgency now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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