i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
