Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
