Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
