We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
