i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
