I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
