if i can run in heels then i can drive
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
