you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
