Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
