we're chasing vodka with high fives
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
