I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
