I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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