Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
