the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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