No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
