I just pynch a tree in the face
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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