I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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