i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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