Don't make out with my wife yet
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
