You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
