And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
