I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
