If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My ATM looks so different sober.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
