my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
