thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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