oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
