She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
