I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
