how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
