Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
