I will die if light touches me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
