So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
