Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
