well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
