people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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