Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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