dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
