Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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