I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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