im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
