party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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