I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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