Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
