I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
