Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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