Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
