I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize