How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize