I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
