good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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