I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
