i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
