the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im having a threesome with these popsicles
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
