$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
