the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
