He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
