my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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