I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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