...so i touched it.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
