I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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