He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
